Camping at the Lake

A real outdoorsy HookUp

Another watershed! We went camping as a couple of gals at one of our favorite places, Lake Wallowa in Oregon. It was a great trip for us to get used to two women in a tiny trailer. For the past several years it's been a woman and a guy in a tiny trailer so there isn't too much difference! We cooked outside, waved at neighbors and went for walks with not so much as a glance from anyone.

A friend of mine told me about her first "two gals" RV trip where a guy came up as they were setting up and said, "I've never seen a woman back up a trailer that well before." I must not back up as well as she does because nobody came by at all.

One of our traditions visiting the area is to go to an Indian jewelry place in town run by a woman whose husband runs the connected fly shop. While "the Mrs" would go look at jewelry I would go talk to the fly shop guy. No big surprise, I always felt a very strong pull to the jewelry side but I was still trying to deny, ignore, thwart, whatever that part of me. Well this time the two Mrs went in to the jewelry side and enjoyed shiny pretties and chatted with the owner. We Ewed and Ahhed and each picked out some nice things. I got a great necklace and earrings from a local Nez Perce artist. The owner recognized the "Original Mrs" but didn't seem to recognize me at all. I wonder why??? We had fun and spent too much and then went to lunch. The perfect ladies day out!

It was the first of what will surely be many more lovely trips as we adjust our lives to the new adventures.

Steps in The Journey

Changes. Small but significant changes.

Today I went to the main doctor in our city who has experience with trans people and hormones. She is now my primary care physician so she will help me maintain my blood pressure and general health while adjusting my hormones to get me where I want to be. In the past my general health has not been my main focus. Now every element of my general health is in focus so I can be the "Me" that I have waited to be!

A small step but a watershed moment, a right of passage.

Every step moving forward is a big step!

Funny things happen...

I was in my therapist's office waiting for my appointment. She was running late and that was unusual so I got myself a cup of ice water and relaxed for 15 minutes or so, after I checked my calendar to make sure  I had the right day and time.

Finally the door opened and she came out with a 20 something woman who looked over at me a bit surprised and said, "Hi, how are you?" I didn't recognize her at all so she filled in, "I'm Sandy's friend from school." I must have looked a bit blank while trying to remember a Sandy and a school. She saw my stammering confusion and continued, "Oh, I thought you were Sandy's Mom. Sorry"

I went in for my appointment and my therapist said, "Don't you get what happened?" I was still a bit fuzzy and she said, "She thought you were her friend's Mom." It slowly dawned on me what that meant and how this stranger had seen me. Wow! She walked by and recognized me as her friend's Mom, not some sort of guy who looked like a woman, but as a woman who was a Mom. Maximum unexpected affirmation for a sometimes clueless gal!

Ring, Ring...

I am very married. My wonderfully supportive wife and I are going through life's adventures together and helping each other along the way. Our wedding rings are a tangible symbol of this adventure and our goal of helping each other along through the journey.

We came together as full adults each having been married before. Our expectations and assumptions are (hopefully...) a bit more mature because of this. And we both know the power of symbols. Her ring has been passed through my family. It's not gorgeous or modern or flashy, but it has a history and has seen many years. My "Boy Ring" is a simple gold band that has become too large as I've lost weight. I have to be careful that it doesn't fall off if my hands are wet. And the symbolism of that change is not lost on me. A few months ago I bought a simple gold filled, cubic zirconia wedding set that looks better on a lady's hand. Very inexpensive but very appropriate. I make a point to always wear it when I'm out in the world and I very often get complimented on it. Not surprisingly those compliments always come from other women.

And that gets us to the heart of this posting. Women pointedly notice each others rings. They are a symbol of relationships, love, status, and family. A wedding ring announces that you are in the sisterhood. The shop lady, the waitress, the bank teller sees that you are living in the world in a certain way. Honestly, for me, breast forms and hair and makeup are clues to guide people to treat me a certain way. The rings are a deeper symbol that shows what is important in my life. This lovely posting by Lucy brought me to warm tears and touched me very deeply. Two people finding their way through complicated changes while being authentic. Because rings are a symbol to ourselves also. Right there on the hand that opens a door, or holds a glass, or touches the arm of a loved one. It sparkles in the light to remind us of the lights in our lives.

Pearls, Pleasantries and Puzzlement

Here in the North West we have  a chain of grocery/household stores that include a very nice jewelry counter that often has great bargains on good quality sparkly things. I had a coupon for a little pearl and diamond pendant that interested me. I went in to get some groceries and to look at the pendant. After waiting for the shop lady to finish with another customer,  I decided to buy it. While we were “transacting” she and I chatted away. She asked if I was buying it for myself and I said that I was. She insisted that I let her gift wrap it because, “we just don’t give ourselves gifts. We do things for our kids and our friends but we women just don’t take enough care of ourselves.”  She was openly treating me as a sister and an equal. Very affirming! We talked about adult kids and grandchildren and taking care of parents.

While this was going on, over her shoulder, I was watching another woman going past with her cart full of groceries. She stopped in the walkway and openly and blatantly stared at me. Her wide eyed disbelief was as evident as the glaring noonday sun. Her husband caught up with her and she couldn’t wait to clue him in to what she had discovered, and he stared.  I couldn’t help but note the slack jawed shock of the couple and how it contrasted with the lovely bonding with the jewelry counter  lady.  The couple left, doubtless discussing their amazement. The counter lady and I exchanged further pleasantries and we finished up with a gentle handshake and mutual thanks.

I left with an untarnished warm glow and went about my day. Did the counter lady “clock me?” Who cares? She treated me as a co-woman and I treasured it. Did the couple learn anything? Who cares? They were likely shocked by Chaz Bono and Jenna Talackova and left just as puzzled as when they woke up that morning. Oh, and the pendant looks great on a silver chain I got for my birthday.

Born to be Wild

What a silly thing! I was lounging in the yard today watching the evening creep up when I decided it was time for an adventure. I threw on a sweatshirt, tied up the legs of my cropped pants, put on my "gardening wig" under my helmet and headed off for a cruise on my tiny Chinese scooter. Earrings jangling in the breeze and big dark glasses on and away I went! What Fun!

I usually get a few glances in boy mode on my putt putt machine, not very macho at all, so it was fun to not get a second glance from people on the street. Just some middle aged post hippie gal out enjoying the evening! All I needed was a french bread peeking out of the shopping bag. Very European.

Love what you don't Like

I play silly games with myself. Maybe you do the same, and maybe not. We have Fiesta Ware plates and bowls and I love the colors. Bright, cheery, vibrant and alive. I love them all, but I just don't like the yellow plates. I don't know why and who cares, I suppose. I've also set a rule for myself to not pick from the middle of the stack. Whatever is on top gets used.

Also, I tend to look at random events and try to read too much in to them. If it's a rainy day, or too hot, and I had planned outdoor activities but have to change plans, I tend to think that there is some message there. I need to learn to be flexible, or I need to see the beauty in the less pleasant weather. If I'm already cranky, I decide that the Fates are against me. Maybe because I had negative thoughts about someone, or I was too attached to a particular outcome. Or maybe because I'm trans...

For a long time I would apply this same thinking to the random event of getting the Yellow Plate. I would think I must be paying for some event or thought. Or that I was not good enough to deserve another color. It became a household joke when I would get the now DREADED Yellow Plate. It began to bother me! Then I began to see that it was a lesson after all. It was an opportunity for me to Let Go of my desires and preferences. I needed to learn the fallacy of attachment to an outcome, especially for something trivial. Now, after many many random plate deals, I kinda like the Yellow Plate. It's now my friend come to visit and it makes me smile.

I made a sandwich tonight. There at the top of the stack was the Yellow Plate, and it's partner the Yellow Cup.

Horray! My favorites have come to visit!