tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21363782149731546372024-03-13T10:13:15.977-07:00Dianne in the ProvincesDiannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-17156861513122660562015-02-22T12:03:00.002-08:002015-02-22T12:03:30.016-08:00One Year as Me!<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nKlZqsE4pP0/VOo1nrMAEPI/AAAAAAAAAGM/jPdLIeltSyk/s1600/Blogs_1st_Anniversary-4352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nKlZqsE4pP0/VOo1nrMAEPI/AAAAAAAAAGM/jPdLIeltSyk/s1600/Blogs_1st_Anniversary-4352.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Dianne Piggott<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">10/30/2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">One year. Just one year. One
entire year. All of one year. One circle of the Earth around the Sun. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> A year ago today I
left behind one existence and began a new life. The caterpillar and butterfly
metaphor is apt. The Phoenix is somewhat analogous. But what is it really? What
really happened? I stopped living as a guy and started living as a gal. That's all,
nothing much. I just stopped being a man and started being a woman. Everywhere
and all the time. No more back and forth, no more hiding anything or fearing
discovery. Just getting up and throwing on a blouse and slacks and going to
work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> OK, well, I'll admit
that there was a lot more to it than that. I was blessed to have a picture
perfect transition at work. Well presented, fully supported by management,
fully supported by my wonderful co-workers. Plenty of hugs, love and tissues
for all. I was closer to my 115 co-workers than ever before because I was now
an authentic me. After a short couple of months I was chatting with a friend at
work. She looked me in the eye and said, "You know, I can't even remember
you as a guy anymore?!" And just like that we all moved on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> I had been out to my
social circle for months before my work transition. A ridiculously common thing
in trans circles where you are <u>you</u> everywhere except the office. It can
be awkward and uncomfortable and sometimes humorous. Once I was out at work,
there were odd occurrences also. I was at lunch with an office friend getting a
bento bowl and a past coworker came up to us. "Oh Hi D." she says to
my friend, "How have you been?"
We three chat and she asks if I worked with D. "Oh, yes, I'm in the
IT department." "Have you been there long?" the long lost mutual
co-worker asks. "Uh, yes, quite a while." As she left we laughed a
bit. This person had started well into my time there, and I had worked with her
often enough, and she left a year or so ago. So even as she cast about and
tried to figure out why she might just almost recognize me, suggesting mutual
friends and such, she never thought that I had been that dumpy guy in khakis
and plaid shirts in IT. This happened often enough to become commonplace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> And the flip side
happens often also. After the introduction to a new person they might say,
"Now, don't I know you from somewhere? Were you here last year? Did you
used to work with the Migrant Ed campaign, or public television???" I know
that the new acquaintance can't possibly recognize me from those places, or
anyplace, because I "wasn't" back then. I'm new.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> Non recognition can
also be a bit daunting though. I recently made an appointment with our
investment broker. A change in employment meant that I needed to roll over a
401K account to our personal accounts. I waited in the lobby for the gentleman
for just a moment and he brought me back to his office. As he came out I could
tell he didn't recognize me so I supplied, "Ron, nice to see you, I'm
Dianne P." I have a distinctive last name so that is often enough to jog a
memory, but not this time. "Dianne P and Val M. We have accounts together
here with you." Still no sparks so as we sit down and he closed the door I
said. "I used to be [old guy name] and now I'm Dianne." At this the
respectable blue blazer and tan slacks gentleman comes around the corner of the
desk and grabs my hand and says, "Wonderful! Congratulations!
Excellent!!" We chatted a little bit as I brought him up to date with the
changes and that we were still married and that I'd moved on from my job of 14
years and here were all sorts of legal papers with a name change and such. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">Our offices were close by
and we would sometimes bump into each other getting coffee or lunch, but he
hadn't seen me for many months, but I had seen him several times. At one point
he looked up from his keyboard and said, "You know, you are just so
obviously happy and confident now. Before, something was just not right."
Well we both had a laugh at that!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> As part of our
discussion I told him that I was not going to be getting employed anywhere else
for quite a while because I was going back to college to complete a bachelors
and get a masters. Honestly, I think he was more impressed by this than by my
more obvious, but less effort filled, changes. So yes leaving a career of 30
years in an "in demand" field to go back to school. Why would I do
that at fifty something years of age? If I can make this change, living my life
in a sometimes problematic way that is rejected by many people, that implicitly
marginalizes me and condemns me to a life of... something or other, then why in
the Hell can't I go back to school and get a masters and set up shop as a
counselor? I certainly know a thing or two about change, about self-realization,
about hard decisions! And I know about pain, and about coming to terms and
coming out, and doing what needs to be done even when it hurts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> So yes, two rebirths
in one year! A new student is born. A "freshman" who started college
the first time when Jimmy Carter was in the White House. To most of the campus
I look like some adjunct professor who is returning to campus to teach a bit
now that the kids are grown up. Fine with me, I think of it as the Cloak of
Middle Aged Invisibility. No one looks at me as a potential mate, or threat.
They look at me and see Mom, or Aunt Jan , or Nanna. Non-threatening with an
air of well-earned eccentricity. Lovely! Of course, while that respectably wise
and entertaining factor helps at school, it also helped me move on from an IT
career. That's a place for young focused bright people with new ideas. Also
often a, uhm, “geeky sausage fest”. I
could feel the tech world shift its camaraderie when I shifted my place in the
world. Tech guys don't want to think that Granny may be able to hold her own in
Halo. An amazingly small price to pay!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> What else have I paid?
I had to turn in my Male Privilege card. And I was one punch away from a free
prostate exam, drat! For a while I had to forfeit a half an hour from shower to
out the door, but I've earned that back. At least to head off to campus on my
scooter in jeans and a coordinated top and sweatshirt. And I forfeited a
relationship with my son and his family, my two grandchildren. One was born while
I have been in exile and I’ve never seen her. People graciously tell me,
"It's their loss" or "They'll come around." But I kind of
doubt it. I didn't raise a bigot, or a fundamentalist, but they are convinced
that my presence would be the ruination of the children. I would confuse them
to no end and they would be warped for life. I'm not sure if they are teaching
intolerance, because that is how it is transmitted, it is taught, but I’m
pretty confident they aren't teaching tolerance and acceptance. Blessedly I was
taught tolerance, so I only had to spend 50 years trying to figure out who I
was and to learn how to overcome guilt and fear. Yay! I was lucky! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> Yes, lucky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> I was lucky,
fortunate, blessed to have accepting wise people in my life. People who said,
"Well, you are still the same person." People who didn't see me as
evil or wrong, just "interesting and unique." I've seen the situation
as "inconvenient and humorous" so we all get along. My relationship
with my friends has a different dimension now. Not because they have changed
but because I have changed. I am now the authentic me that doesn’t feel shame
or guilt or worry about a secret. Now I engage my friends with love and open
honesty, it is a much fuller experience! A "false start" of mine took
me to Seattle 17 years ago where I tried to transition. But I wasn't ready and
the world wasn't ready and I was too damaged to make it work. I ran back to
Idaho to just shut up and be a guy and lick my wounds. And to try to learn the
lesson that I just wasn't "trans enough" or "not a <u>real</u>
transsexual." And to get my son through high school while working at an
interesting and challenging job. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">While I was in Seattle fate
brought me to work at a small high school where there was a marvelously
eccentric English teacher named Karen. She and her husband Donnie had a nice
old house on some acreage nearby with a pack of beloved dogs and a constantly
changing pack of beloved family and house guests. The first summer I was in
Seattle they needed a house sitter. Since I was going crazy living in an urban
3rd floor apartment with no dirt and no pets, I leapt at the chance. In
essence, I stayed the summer. When they would come back from a trip there would
be a family gathering coming up and it would be, "Why don't you stay? We
could use the help and Sister Soozie and Karl will be coming and you enjoy
them!" Karen and Donnie knew I was
trans, and they knew that I lived as a gal when they were out of town. Heck,
the neighbor once commented on how sometimes there was a guy over at their
house and sometimes there was a woman housesitting and using the hot tub! I
guess he didn't notice the same car in the driveway all the time. They knew
that I was trans, but they never once saw me when I was presenting as a woman.
Not once. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> Over the years I would
go be with them on Thanksgiving or come visit them on trips, once with my son,
once with my new wife. It wasn't until this last summer that my wife and I went
through Seattle and went to visit, and they met the Dianne me. Karen and Suzie
came out to the driveway and saw me and we squealed and hugged and cried. I
felt like I was coming home to my sisters. Yes, blessed and fortunate. I have
beaten the harsh odds. But I have not beaten them alone. I have beaten them
with the help of my wife, and my friends, and the many trans people who have been
brothers and sisters to me. Trans siblings who have become family because of
our shared experiences. People that have gone before me and who have widened
the path, kicked aside the stones and left a mark to show the way. They have
given me confidence to move forward. They began to educate the public and
introduce us to the world and now I am doing the same for those behind me. What
will the next years bring? I don’t know, but I am eager to find out!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-72955860850491810242013-11-29T20:04:00.000-08:002013-11-29T20:04:07.922-08:00Am I The Same Person?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Yesterday
was Thanksgiving. At the dinner table, our far ranging discussion gave me the
opportunity to ask a longtime family friend a simple, yet deeply profound,
question. I asked him, “Am I the same person I used to be?” We may all ask this
question and we may all hope for an honest answer. As we go through life we
change. Sometimes dramatically and sometimes subtly. We know that our bodies
physically renew, rebuild and repair at such a rate that we are “new” roughly
every seven years. Our thinking changes as our experiences shape our
consciousness. Traumatic events can mold us and teach us. The physical
connections in our brains change as we swim in our personal and shared
universes. Amazingly, minute particles of energy from space whiz through us and
the planet we stand on and nick away at us on an atomic level. So obviously we
change. But are we the same person we used to be?</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For me this
was not just an existential question, it was a practical one. You see, I’m a
transgender woman. I was born a boy and lived bound by that seemingly
unchangeable destiny for many years. It was always wrong and I knew it. I was
always “other” and I knew it. The range of options opened to me just seemed to
exclude any sort of remedy. Finally after half a century of this limbo I acted.
I stopped being a guy. I started being a woman. I transitioned from one life to
another. I told the world that I needed to make changes and that I would take
the outside that had been visible and replace it with something from inside. I
would make the reflection I saw in the mirror match my self-image.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So when I
asked our unsuspecting dinner guest if I was the same person I used to be, it
meant a bit more to me personally. Had I morphed so dramatically that I was no
longer that “me” that I had carried along for so many years? I know that some
people in my life have mourned through the changes while also welcoming the
birth. I know that some people have been left behind, unwilling or unable to
comprehend what needed to happen. And I know that some people in my life now
never knew me any other way and would be deeply uncomfortable if the “old me”
were to come rushing in. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I know that
I remember a life that is becoming a distant wisp of memory and I embrace a
life that is vibrant and immediate. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But what
was our guest going to say? What was this young man who had known me for eight
years going to say? Would he say that, yes, I was the same person? And what
would that mean? That I had just changed my clothes and hair and name, the
outsides, but that I was still the same old dude as before? Would he say that I
was a totally new person and that I had killed the old one, that I had taken
that life so I could lead my life? Would I still be real?</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I asked
him, “Am I the same person I used to be?” Without pause to consider he
answered, “No.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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This was no philosophy class
thought experiment for him. It was a practical question that was now asked and
answered. No, I was not the same person I used to be. I admit to letting a
little sigh of expectantly captured breath escape. Because I knew that this
meant that the many people from “before” who have shared my adventure did it
because they accepted the “old me” and they now accept the “new me.” They
aren’t waiting for the previous person to come back, because he can’t. They are
here with me in the present and going with me into the future. </div>
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For my part, I look at pictures of
“me” from the past and I can’t help but see a subtle tinge of pathos. The smile
is pinched, the eyes are tight and the lips are thin. Pictures of this new me,
the one that is not the same person I used to be, are different, the smile is
genuine, the eyes are bright, the lips are laughing. It is the real me that was
masked inside before. The old person was a shell that finally popped open. The
seed that released the plant. The chrysalis that let out the butterfly. The man
that mothered a woman. I thank that old me and let him go. </div>
Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-3593099527044555162013-10-26T09:42:00.002-07:002014-01-01T09:55:48.150-08:00Untold Story<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uzk6LA4It2c/Umvv2LobAnI/AAAAAAAAAEI/2lSbiB3Eqac/s1600/mandala.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uzk6LA4It2c/Umvv2LobAnI/AAAAAAAAAEI/2lSbiB3Eqac/s400/mandala.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
Yes. It's been a while. I've been a bit busy living, growing, learning. I've gone back to college. I've been treasuring my life.<br />
<br />
For an English class assignment I needed to write a paper about myself as a writer, in the third person. This is what came out;<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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“There is no greater agony than
bearing an untold story inside you.”</div>
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-Maya Angelou</div>
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Dianne Grace
Piggott spent much of her life with an untold story inside of her, or she had
lived her life inside an untold story. Regardless, these words struck her when
she first read them. At the time, her life held profound discomfort and confusion,
and yet the silent promise of growth. She realized that her untold, un-birthed
story was sapping her soul. She knew that an element of her growth and healing
was to release this overdue story. By writing it out she was able to understand
what it meant in her past and to begin to change her life into a future. By
writing it out, she could begin to act it out. By acting it out it would become
her life. </div>
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Over months and years
she wrote her story as emails to friends and blog posts to strangers. She wrote
letters to herself and sent and unsent letters to people in her past so she
could slowly peel away the crisp egg shell formed by the habits of self-perception
and learn who she was, and who she could be. She had to dispassionately view
the story of her past, and reserve painful recriminating self-judgment, so she
could know what to do in the future. </div>
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The people in her
past life and present life were her story’s cast of characters. As these
characters became players in a narrative she was able to see them outside of
the context of her emotions. Once they were rendered through her own words she could
begin to see them honestly and without shame. One of those characters was Dianne.
Most of the time, this one character was the hardest for her to understand.
Always, it was the hardest for her to watch. She had done things that
diminished her sense of worth and things that she questioned every day, for
years. These were not evil things or even unfeeling things. They were simply
things that had to be as they were. That could be no other way. They were
things that, once done, could not be undone. But the reality of their
inevitability did not soften the wish that they could have been otherwise. </div>
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The other critical
characters in her past story were a spouse, and a son. These were the ones who
still had hooks. These were the ones that she felt she had failed. Within
herself Dianne could strive, at best, for self-forgiveness. From these people she
knew there was no redemption. Their verdict still lived on in rejection and cold
distance. She could not change that, she could only change how she lived with
it. She could redefine what it meant to her. </div>
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It should be said
here that the details of this nagging untold story are not important. The plot
and motives, the actions and passions of the characters are not as important as
the mechanism, manner and purpose of its telling. Letting her untold story out
and putting it on pages let her learn it and feel it. It let her explore it as an
object outside of herself rather than as some hot, sticky, confusing thing
inside of her. The process let her learn the difference between trying to look
at the story from the inside, trying to look at her heart and soul from inside
her mind, and looking at it from the outside, looking at this character who
needed narrative and motivation and plot. She was hoping that this person might
find peace in the telling, if only the right words could be brought to bear. If
only years of rewrites and reframing could let her understand the main
character. If only she could begin to see herself as a sympathetic member of
this living dramatis personae. </div>
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Dianne’s character
did not need plot complications and conflicts to resolve. Those came in the
first act, in the first scenes of this sometimes fractured narrative. And she
didn’t need heroes, because there was only one character that could save her,
and that was Dianne. What her character needed was directing, mentoring, nurturing
and guidance. Once she was outside of herself and spilling across the pages and
screens of words she could finally see what she needed. It became much clearer
when she looked at it as the author of her character’s life rather than seeing
herself, Dianne, as an actor scripted by fate to be a player in some cosmic
theater of the absurd. She could stop playing someone else’s script. </div>
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This was no easy
task. Years of habit had her framing herself as a flawed, damaged being. Years
of habit had her trying to ignore, avoid, and compartmentalize the disquiet in
an effort to just get by day to day. There is a rhythm and simplicity in
denial. Growth can be hard and challenging. </div>
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She had to
struggle to push through pain to let this story out. She had to breathe deeply
and let it come as it dictated. She had to give herself over to it. Slowly,
quickly, exhaustingly, rewardingly, she gave birth to this story because the
story was her life, it was purely her, and she had to give birth to herself.
She had to acknowledge that the past was the past and that the future could
live in this fresh new self. </div>
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And she felt
power.</div>
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Slow, firm,
inevitable power.</div>
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Not conquering
power but building power, guiding power. She felt the power of the potter
shaping a spinning lump of clay on the wheel. She felt the power of the painter
who somehow knows where the colors need to go, but still must guide the
process. Because once she started telling the story it became HER story,
Dianne’s creation story, her past and her present and her future. And once she
could claim it and take it for herself she could decide what she wanted it to
be. She could find destiny and self-determination. </div>
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She knew she
couldn’t revise the past, and that she shouldn’t revise the past, because in
its essence that is not a healthy thing. It wasn’t a matter of revising the
story, it was a matter of reframing it and reinterpreting it for a changed and
developed life. What she could do is put it in context. She could look at the
past and see that the untold story character, the one that was to become Dianne,
had done her best. She could write her explanations and plumb her motivations
and hopefully forgive herself. She could heal herself. She could give herself Grace.</div>
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As she began to
write this story of herself, this exploration of Dianne, she was finally able
to let broken pieces go. She was able to begin to take the agony of the long
avoided untold story and turn it into the bliss of creation. She was able to
become her own life’s author, her own editor, her own playwright, her own
parent and her own child. She didn’t write a novel or a play. She wrote intimate
emails to friends and she wrote letters to herself, she wrote questions of and
declarations to people in her past. She wrote touchstones that let her connect
who she was with who she is and with who she would become. She wrote pages and
pages that dove into her soul and that were written passionately and revised
scrupulously. She lingered over some with tenderness and kindness. She spewed
some out in tempestuous tangles of thought and frustration and fear. Some she
held tightly and allowed them to ripen and mellow. Some she read and deleted
because living them through the writing was enough, reading them again later
would be too much. Too much to share even with herself. </div>
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</div>
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In Tibetan Buddhism,
monks will create intricate designs, mandalas, with colored sand on a flat
piece of wood. For painstaking hours and with intense concentration they will
create detailed depictions of the universe while contemplating the inevitable
cycle of birth, life, death and rebirth. Once these amazingly rich, dense and
glorious images of all that is are completed, the monks will sweep them up and
blow them away on the wind. It demonstrates impermanence. They don’t have to
remain to have value because the process of creation was enough. The process
was the goal. For Dianne, the goal was to lay down who she had been, how her
life had developed, the details of her universe as she had lived it. Grain by
grain she had to place the colors in the proper place so they could signify how
her life had been. She had to put the internal beasts of her personal cosmology
into perspective and count them up and take their true measures. She needed to
know her own creation story so she could know the elements of her life. Then
she could know what she could take forward. Then she could see that the
horrible creatures that inhabited her past and inhibited her future actually had
no teeth. Then she could sweep up this mandala of her past and be grateful for
its impermanence. She could breathe in a fresh deep breath of the future and
blow away the colored sands of her past. She could sweep the table clean again
and have a simple surface full of promise. Then she could slowly mete out the
grains of sand that would form the intricate designs of her new, fresh
universe. She could contemplate her own inevitable cycle of birth, life, death
and rebirth.</div>
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Dianne found the peaceful
grace that can come in letting out the untold story. She could begin living her
new story. </div>
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<![endif]-->Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-63104020031534047012013-03-20T17:36:00.001-07:002013-03-20T17:59:18.048-07:00A Simple Struggle in Idaho<a href="http://www.kivitv.com/news/local/199257561.html#.UUpVkmZhMQk.blogger">Statehouse hosts discussion of adding words to Idaho Human Rights Act - www.kivitv.com</a><br />
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I love Idaho and it's people. I love Boise. I am stunned that our legislature cannot move forward on something that is so fundamental that most of my friends just assume it is already a part of state law, equal protection for LGBT people. I am stunned that our legislature has plenty of time to vote on a resolution asking the FCC to more stringently enforce "standards of decency" in television programming. One is a measure to ensure everyone has the ability to earn a living, to secure housing and to be a safe, productive citizen. The other is a reaction to naughty TV. This small change to the Idaho Human Rights act has been bandied about for 7 years. What does this say about our state legislators?Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-51120319179438921972013-02-28T06:16:00.000-08:002013-02-28T06:16:46.439-08:00What's up Buttercup?<br />
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<img height="360" id="irc_mi" src="http://ih2.redbubble.net/image.11699362.9867/sticker,375x360.png" style="margin-top: 88px;" width="375" />So what are the standout things that have been happening? What have I learned lately? How is my life different after 4 months of a new existence???<br />
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Well, I enjoy my gal friends a lot more now that they understand who I really am. And I know that hair spray in your eyeball hurts, and then you're mascara runs and it will only happen when you are almost late for a meeting at work first thing in the morning. I know that a nice pair of warm snow boots gets you into the office where you can slip on your nicer shoes. I know that shared confidences are treasures. I know that going to lunch with a friend on a whim rocks! I know that having the right outfit on the right day gives you a certain power. And that when your friends tell you, "You look great in that color" you should listen. <br />
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I know that coloring your hair so it matches your wig means you don't have to hide so much. And I know that pulling some of your hair through you wig cap means you can feel the breeze. <br />
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I know that standing in front of a judge and having him declare that you are now legally Dianne is exciting. And especially if four of your friends from "the community" are with you to share it, and then two women attorneys waiting for their cases catch your eye and give you big warm smiles. <br />
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I know that holding the fresh new grandbaby of a friend, whose daughter you've known since she was 9 or 10, is pretty awsome. I know that having co-workers call you "sweetie" or "girl" makes you blush, and they say it because they care about you and mean it. <br />
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I know that having your son and daughter in law exclude you from their lives, and your grandchildren's lives, makes you wonder where you went wrong as a parent. But then you know that it had to work out this way because it is just part of your journey through life.<br />
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And I know that having the right people in your life makes your life, Right. And it's priceless!<br />
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And mostly I know how lucky I am. Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-89105620917549307192013-02-08T20:07:00.000-08:002013-02-08T20:07:50.174-08:00Pissed off???<img height="331" id="irc_mi" src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2723/4273055965_f0011d19b8_z.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="441" /> <br />
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Honestly, I don't have an undue fascination with the ladies room. I'm just amazed at how inflammatory it is.<br />
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Riki Wilchins wrote <a href="http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/02/07/op-ed-its-womens-room-and-other-bathroom-complications" target="_blank">a great commentary about her restroom travails 30 years into transition</a>. It scared the you know what out of me! What the heck chance do I have to avoid bladder disease if she has issues in public restrooms after 30 years! Some of the comments were strident trans responses. Some of the comments were strident feminist responses. I couldn't help but respond as follows because this whole thing just tires me out. Sometimes I think that SRS isn't the real answer, getting a giant bladder implant is the answer.<br />
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My comment on the article at <a href="http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/02/07/op-ed-its-womens-room-and-other-bathroom-complications">http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/02/07/op-ed-its-womens-room-and-other-bathroom-complications</a><br />
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Thanks! Seriously! Finally, Nedra Johnson has linked to some "men/crossdressers disguising themselves to commit crimes" articles. ( <a href="http://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/men-love-the-ladies-restroom-transgender-edition/">http://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/men-love-the-ladies-restroom-transgender-edition/</a> ) I looked and looked for something like this a while ago. Unfortunately, all I could find were dozens of incidents where trans women had been beaten or assaulted for using the women's room for simple, legal bodily functions. The gal in Baltimore had the additional misfortune of being videoed while she lay on the floor having been beaten into a seizure while people laughed! This link, and the other somewhat trans related incidents, do show that there is some incredibly tiny shred of truth to the "Trannies in the Rest Room" meme. So should we be segregated because a small number of vaguely trans people have been involved in crimes in restrooms? Should we keep brown haired people from driving because of the number of brown haired people who have been involved in fatal car crashes? <br /><br />I totally understand women just wanting to pee in peace. That's all I want to do also. I don't want to get shouted at, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, I don't want to get beaten into a seizure. I know it's selfish, but I also don't want to be judged as a potential rapist because a quirk of molecules made me get born as a guy. If you met me and knew me, not just saw me in the restroom, you would find it crazy to think of me as a threat. An that's true for almost every trans woman I've met, I throw in the "almost" simply to be cautious. I'm just trying to quietly go about my life. Riki is just trying to go quietly about her life. EVERY transitioning trans person I know is trying to just go quietly about their lives, and there is no "almost" there. <br /><br />This doesn't come from some sort of latent "male privilege." It comes from simple human dignity. I'm not demanding entry into the sacrosanct refuge of womyn born womyn. I just want to go pee without confrontation. Honest, I'm quiet and clean and safe. So what do we do? How do we fix this? As a culture we gave up on segregating black people. So can we start on this now? Can we just see someone who looks a bit more husky or square jawed than most other women and not assume that they are an imminent threat?Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-62373474453219662592013-01-20T11:10:00.000-08:002013-01-20T11:10:23.161-08:00Fresh Starts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's almost the 3 month mark. Three months ago I lived in the public view as a guy. But away from work I was most often a woman. The transitions back and forth took a toll but it was the price I needed to pay up front to be able to craft my future life into a stable and comfortable world. A couple of times I had particularly jarring phase shifts where I was out and about with friends as Dianne and had to run home, wash off my face, pull off my hair and race off to fill an obligation as my male host organism. Transforming in 10 minutes from Middle Aged Mall Mom to Dumpy Geek Guy was <u>painful</u>. I glanced in the mirror on the way out to make sure I didn't have mascara on my cheeks and came very close to crying. I was gone, I went away, but I knew I would be back. I drew strength from the knowledge that there was a plan and that I would soon be able to just be me all the time. I knew I could then stop going to the market across town where I could hide. I knew I could then answer my phone with only one name and with utter confidence that there were no secrets. I knew it would be better and much simpler then.<br />
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Well, "Then" is "Now."<br />
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I am in the New Normal. A friend at work commented that she can't even imagine me as a guy anymore. Dianne is just normal to her. I was sitting and talking with my two closest co-workers and one of them commented on my cool new black flats with sparkle rhinestones on the toes. She said, "If you had told a year ago that I would be complimenting you on your Beadazzled ballet flats I would have said you were Nuts!" It's the new normal. The lady in the mirror isn't a wish any more, it's just me! I check my lipstick, floof my hair and give myself a big wink as I head out the door. I'm not filling my male hosts obligations anymore. I am just living my life in the New Normal.<br />
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There are probably 9 or 10 new people in my personal and work lives that NEVER KNEW the guy me. They might know that my past is unusual, but they don't know how recently the corner was turned. They don't know how long I waited. They just know me as an outgoing woman, or suspected Trans Woman, from work or through mutual friends. In a week we will be getting a new manager. He's been clued in, which is quite fair since it is so very fresh. This saves me from having to have "a conversation" with him and it saves him from an uncomfortable revelation if he happened to belong to one of the prevalent cults that views us as abominations or fractured individuals. And in a way it allowed my employer tell him that this is viewed as Normal.<br />
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Yes, I'm in the New Normal and it is so comfortable. The whizzy Gender Buzz that was always distracting me is gone. I'm not worried, I'm not angry or frustrated, I don't feel put upon any more. I'm just Dianne living in my New Normal meeting new people and in new situations where I get to make a fresh start. There may come a time when everybody in my life will have a hard time trying to remember what I was like before. Then there will come a time when they don't even try. Then I will just be...<br />
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338290/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Normal</span></a></h2>
Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-14777772945846771272012-12-31T06:43:00.000-08:002012-12-31T06:43:19.363-08:00How Beautiful is This?This amazingly touching and beautiful commercial came to me via the wonderful web site "<a href="http://wehappytrans.com/" target="_blank">We Happy Trans*</a>" We see so many embarassing, demeaning depictions of trans people in the media. Ads where the trans person or their "ambiguity" is the punch line. This one makes me proud and gives me hope, and makes me cry...<br />
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And please explore Jen's terrific We Happy Trans* site. She is part of the lovely newer generation of trans people who are coming into a positive time where shame may become a useless thing of the past!<br />
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<br />Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-41209512308146318952012-12-16T09:34:00.002-08:002012-12-16T13:34:33.994-08:00Floor Please?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">WOW,<br /><br />It's been a whole/just 2 months since I came out to everyone and prepared to live my life full time as an honest "Me." I look back and can't believe that I ever lived any other way! It has been fantastic at work and the people have been wonderful. I am amazingly more engaged with (almost) everyone in my life! On Friday I had lunch with a business friend and we just had simple girl chat and talked about friends and family, the holidays, work-life balance, manicures and coloring hair. What the heck did I talk about back in September at lunches? I Dunno!<br /><br />Before I went to lunch, one of my co-workers, "B" got a call from a mutual friend, "J", who was unexpectedly early in the lobby of our building and taking B to lunch. B had to "stop off in private" before she went down so I trotted off to see J downstairs. As I headed out I asked B, "Oh, does J know that I've made changes?'" B said, "No, but she'll be fine." Well I get down there, step off the elevator and J's jaw drops and she rushes over and gave me a huge hug! She grabbed my face and looked me in the eyes and started to cry. We both stood there sniffing and weeping and carrying on until B came down and then the three of us hugged and wept and carried on! J's face and her energy reminded me so much of my departed Mom many years ago that when she said, "I am just so proud of you!" I just about lost it. It was so affirming and I felt so Loved.<br /><br />The thing that makes me feel so Blessed is that the love and acceptance I got from J is what I've gotten from so many people. I cannot believe how lucky I have been! I know so very very many trans people who have had such suffering and so much pain. I had accepted that I would have that also, especially since it is what I always had in the past. But I haven't had that, and I feel like I've won the Grand Prize! Sometimes I worry that someone is going to tap me on the shoulder and tell me that there was a mistake and they need to take me back where I was. I also try to tone it down with my trans peers because I don't want to come off like some boastful thing. I <u>know</u> that my experience is not typical, but I think it's getting more feasible every day! It is possible. <span style="font-size: large;">But again, <span style="font-size: large;">my life is not typical.</span></span><br /><br />So the loss? I can't run into work 15 minutes after I roll out of bed any more, but that's bad for your constitution anyway. I have also lost whatever tenuous relationship I had with my son and daughter in law, and grandson. And that is hard. I reached out to them and asked about us coming by to drop off Christmas and Grandson Birthday presents. I said I would do Guy but that I wasn't going to get a haircut or have my nails soaked off. I would not be who I am everywhere else. My son replied quite flatly, "No." He said that any "dressing" was too much and they would not have their son exposed to me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am "dangerous." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I know I didn't raise a bigot so I guess he learned it somewhere else. I sent them a politely pointed email in reply saying how I felt and that they could expect me to keep reaching out to them. It also pointed out that I had tried to compromise and been rejected and that I had been patient and told that patience would not be rewarded. And I couldn't help but underscore that I have a conservatively estimated 150 people in my life who accept me including politically conservative LDS Moms, Marines and Harvard educated attorneys and that my son and daughter in law represented the only two total people who have flatly rejected me. That's a 98.7% approval rating and I consider that a landslide victory! Their total rejection does hurt. And I may not see my grandson, or the second baby they are expecting, for many years, if ever again, but I would have to say it is still completely worth it for the amazing improvement in the way I feel about life. <br /><br />Every growth journey involves some loss. The hope is that the tears of joy can balance out the tears of pain. So far fo<span style="font-size: large;">r me </span>the tears of joy are winning!</span>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-4879947715704584712012-12-03T06:33:00.002-08:002012-12-03T06:33:32.576-08:00TRANSGENDER RESTROOM KERFUFFLE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I posted this on my favorite <a href="http://blogs.montrealgazette.com/category/life/turning-the-page/" target="_blank">Canadian newspaper blog</a>. There is a bill in the Canadian Parliament to amend the Canadian Human Rights Act to include gender identity and expression protections. The element of the bill that has raised the most "kerfuffle" is restroom access for trans people. Yup! The old chestnut of <b>"Trannies in the Ladies Room!"</b> (And, yes, I advisedly used the potentially inflammatory word "trannies" specifically due to it's emotional tone) Conservative Canadians have drug out the imagined threat of sexual predators invading the women's restroom to carry out assaults on natal women and children. <b>I am seriously looking for any record of any such assault having ever taken place!!! </b>This search is becoming a hobby for me... And I don't mean embarrassing Colleen Francis episodes where individual judgment and social comfort diverge, I mean actual incidents involving predatory behavior carried out by trans people in restrooms. So please, comment and re-post and help me find actual evidence!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I have been following Ottawa's progress on Bill C-279 with keen
interest. I'm frustrated but not surprised to see it bogging down on the
washroom issue. I understand the underlying feelings about allowing
trans people into the Ladies room. What I don't understand is the
rationale applied that there is a very specific threat of child
molesters invading these spaces for predatory purposes. This meme keeps
surfacing in North America and I just can't help but wonder what tiny
kernel of fact can back it up? <br />
<br />Not long ago I spent a weekend of free internet time doggedly trying
to find evidence that any trans person, or anyone pretending to be a
trans person, had ever lurked in a restroom with criminal intent. All I
could find were dozens and dozens of hits where people raised the dire
warning of the impending threat of predators just waiting to be descend
once they were given free rein. The closest I came was one young trans
woman who used the men's room for a semi-consensual encounter with an
underage teenage boy. There are many jurisdictions where trans women are
allowed to use the Ladies room. Why haven't those areas seen cases of
trans or faux-trans people lurking in the washroom?<br />
<br />Well, what else did I find in my Google frenzy? A frightening number
of trans women who had been harassed or assaulted for using the women's
bathroom. One young trans woman in the U.S. was beaten into a seizure
at a fast food restaurant for using the women's room. I found a website (<a href="http://www.safe2pee.org/" target="_blank">www.safe2pee.org</a>)
that provides a directory of safe places for trans people to relieve
themselves. I found reasonable people using these incidents and
statistics to push for accommodations allowing trans people access to
safe facilities. So yes, I did find evidence of a persistent threat of
violence at the door of the women's washroom. It's just not the one that
legislators in Ottawa, or <a href="http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2012/jan/13/bill-affecting-transgender-use-restrooms-and-dress/" target="_blank">Tennessee</a> or any number of places, are bellowing about. It's the threat that an entitled majority posses to a minority. <br />
<br />So here, again, I implore anyone to show links to real factual
evidence of dangerous trans people prowling restrooms. I'm sure someone
will bring up the person in a Texas hospital who was confronted when
using a women's room who also had a criminal record of sexual crimes.
But that logic would also keep anyone who had ever written a bad check
from using a bank or anyone who had ever caused a serious accident from
driving. While those are attractive things to consider, no reasonable
person would begin to consider keeping all brown haired people from
driving because ONE brown haired person had caused an horrific fatal
accident. <br />
<br />It is a sticky question, but how much of the question relates to the
"Ick Factor" of honest discomfort and how much is a truly clear and
present danger? Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-50563164411066484062012-11-20T17:50:00.000-08:002012-11-20T17:59:02.148-08:00It has come...<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
Well it has certainly been quite a month! When we last left our intrepid heroine she had been revealed to her 112 co-workers as a Transgender Woman who was going to transition at the office. The days of "he" would be left behind and days of "she" would begin after a week of reflection and adjustment. And now we rejoin Dianne as the curtain rises on another episode of "Big Changes!"<br />
<br />
<br />
It has finally really actually happened. I am living my life as Dianne and moving into a new world of my own making! My first day at work was thrilling with not one trace of the anxiety I had anticipated. The preceding week of post-announce pre-transition had been very healthy for everyone. I was able to be open and honest with my coworkers and they were able to see that this was actually going to happen and ask questions.<br />
<br />
I made a point on the first day to dress in office proper attire but just a touch spiffier than an average Monday would warrant. This wasn't my first day at a new job, but it was my first day as a new me at the old job. So it was just about the same. Black and print dress, hose, heels, little black open weave cardigan. It is certainly what I would wear to an interview. <br />
<br />
My manager and our HR director had arranged a meeting at 9:30 to "make sure we were all on the same page." I had joked that they wanted to make sure my stocking seams were straight but I knew that they really wanted to make sure I was presentable. This was reinforced as they each repeatedly commented, "Wow, you look pretty darn good!" I think they were a bit taken aback that the rumpled dumpy guy who had worn khakis and plaid shirts non-stop for 13 years had suddenly blossomed into a classy middle aged, manicured, well coiffed lady ready for a day at the office! I was presented with a new box of business cards with my new name and off I went to engage the world. <br />
<br />
I made a point during the first week to frequently leave my little cube on the remote floor below and get out with people and interact. A very few people became suddenly fascinated with the baseboards when they passed me in the halls but I was chin up and shoulders back! Mainly what I got was acceptance. People made a point to tell me that they cared, that they could see that this was a me that had been hiding in the back shadows and that had finally come out in the open. They were happy for me and I was flutteringly ecstatic!<br />
<br />
The thing that has touched me the most, that has made the biggest change in my life, is a thing that I am finding the hardest to absorb. It's something that I rarely dared to dream of and that I was worried might not happen. Something that seemed to be a hope as tenuous and delicate as a dewy spider web in the crisp morning light. Something that has come to me far sooner than I had imagined possible. I feel that people are accepting me as a woman. The women that I work with have begun to welcome me into their culture and make me a sister. It has brought me to tears more than once.<br />
<br />
I have had lunches out with my gal friends and confiding chats in the hallways. I've been told about hormone issues and parenting problems and marital frustrations. After 52 years as some sort of a guy I can confidently say, "Men just don't understand. That's why I left the club!" I've been told by a new friend that it is very important that I vote because of the number of women who soldiered on in the suffrage movement. I've been told by an old friend that I was always one of her favorites and now she knows why. I've had our resident "Once a Marine, Always a Marine" gal stand up, come toe to toe with me, look me in the eye and say, "I'm proud of you." I've gone to a city council meeting regarding a nondiscrimination ordinance and had my picture on the front page of the local paper and had people tell me they were proud that I was there. I've had a friend tell me that my dealing with my nature has changed her perspective on life.<br />
<br />
I am amazingly more engaged with the people in my life. I'm not "tolerating" the Holidays as in the past, I am relishing them because I will be spending time with people I enjoy and who enjoy me "as me." Not people who need me to be in a role, but people who know me for who I am and love me for it, not in spite of it. I LOVE the people in my life. <br />
<br />
<br />
It is an amazing irony that there are only two people in my life who have vowed to have nothing to do with me. My son and daughter in law have stated emphatically that they will not allow "Dianne" to have any contact with my two year old grandson because they feel it will damage him. They will not "act like this is OK." In a startlingly blunt last email from the daughter in law she commented that I "must be so lonely" because of this and then hopes I " learn to embrace who I am." I am incredibly far from lonely and am relishing an amazing sense of embracing who I am. I am finally finishing my adolescence. I am growing up to be who I have felt I was inside and finding an unexpectedly rich and rewarding life. I had no idea how simply depressed and limited I have been for so many years. <br />
<br />
I feel like a month ago, the day I was transparently honest with <i><u>everyone</u></i> in my life, I was born. <br />
<br />
It's my new Birthday!<br />
<br />Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-87486686019259560372012-11-08T21:01:00.001-08:002012-11-08T21:01:50.702-08:00From the Land of PotatoesI live in Idaho and our voting law states that you are "requested" to provide a government issued photo ID when you vote. With all the talk about Voting While Trans and the potential issues that T voters could face I decided to do my research. I had begun my full time transition an entire week before election day and, thus, had a photo ID that didn't look very much like "Me" anymore.<br />
<br />
I learned that my ID might be refused, and that I could then sign an affidavit stating that I was, indeed, me and that I lived at my address and that I was registered to vote. I printed out some web pages about the laws. I printed out pages from the ACLU and wrote their phone numbers on the pages. I printed out the affidavit and filled out all but the signature and witness lines. I took these prepared truths and these ready facts and put them in a file folder, with a file folder label, and tucked it under my arm and went in to vote at my appointed polling place. I proudly walked up, stated my legal name and handed the volunteer my ID.<br />
<br />
She took a look at it, looked at me... and handed me a ballot and pointed to an empty booth.<br />
<br />
"But, Don't you, but..."<br />
<br />
I was all prepared to defend my right to exercise my franchise and demonstrate my preparedness, all she did was look at my license and look at me and send me on in.<br />
<br />
Hmm, does that picture really look like me? I mean, people I know fairly well have walked right past me without a hint of recognition, even with eye contact. Am I just one of the many trans gals who voted there that day? Or is it just no big deal? Was it just another opportunity for me to see that I am taking this whole transition and change thing just a bit more seriously than people around me?<br />
<br />
Dunno! I voted and went back to work and then went home to watch the results. And I didn't even get to show off all my fancy papers and my diligent research...Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-38050052241428523202012-11-03T12:50:00.000-07:002012-11-03T12:50:03.809-07:00She's Amazing...<a href="http://vimeo.com/38416005" target="_blank">Namol Brennet</a> writes and sings such rich full music that I almost cry when I listen.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-29102737528203319932012-10-20T13:00:00.001-07:002012-11-03T12:59:58.189-07:00WOW!Yesterday was the single biggest day in my life. Everything else either
led up to it or will be a result of it, well maybe not, but it was
important. Yesterday morning the managing partner, firm administrator
and HR person at my firm informed my 112 co-workers that Dianne
will be coming to work and Dan will be stepping away as I
transition into living my authentic life.<br />
<br />
I will be officially full time.<br />
<br />
I
cannot describe the relief and joy that I feel from this! I don't have
to hide any more, I don't have to evade social questions about where I
work, I don't have to shop at the market 2 miles away because there are
so many people from the firm that live near me. I'm just Dianne now.<br />
<br />
My
co-workers amazed me! I wasn't present in the meetings so that people
could express whatever they felt, but right afterwards my cube had a
crowd of people coming to hug me and congratulate me and tell me in the
most sincere way that they support me. I got emails all day long, from
co-workers, partners, attorneys. One male partner broke down in the
elevator and gave me a great big hug because he was so happy! Emails
poured in, people stopped me in the halls, I could feel the joy. Our
managing partner said that he was very proud of the people at the firm
because of the support and admiration they showed. <br />
<br />
I carried a fist full of tissues all day. <br />
<br />
The
plan is that I will finish out next week as a guy that everyone knows
is a proud Trans woman. Then on Monday the 29th I'm Dianne to everyone. A
couple of people already started calling me Dianne "so they can
practice." I had four or five people tell me, with pride and relief,
that they had relatives or friends who are trans. <br />
<br />
Through it all
I thought of my friends who have gone before me. I thought of the thousands that worked
hard and took knocks and made it easier for me. And now we'll all make
it that much easier for the ones coming behind.<br />
<br />
Enjoy,<br />
DianneDiannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-11417356015644714372012-10-17T18:45:00.000-07:002012-10-17T18:45:12.224-07:00The Prophetic Fortune Cookie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Recently I got a fortune cookie that said it all. It summed up my life up in just a few short punchy words of absolute truth.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">"Here we go. Low fat,
whole wheat green tea."</span></b></span><br />
<br />
Google it. It seems to be a meme in the making. It became the theme for a camping trip with my wife as we simultaneously grappled with its Zen koan simplicity and its inscrutable depth. <br />
<br />
So what did it mean for me? Well, on the 18th of October I will be coming out to all 115 people where I work. I'm a computer person who tries to keep my co-workers safe and happy and productive. Most of the time with success. But that's not the point of this post either...<br />
<br />
I will be revealing to this group of 115 people something that has been at my very core of being for about half a century. Something that used to be a secret from everyone and a source of shame. I will be telling 115 people, many that I have know for 13 years, that I am a transgender person, that I am a guy on the outside and a gal on the inside. That I am "a woman trapped in a man's body" and that I need to finally come out into the daylight and live my life.<br />
<br />
I'm a transsexual. <b> "Here we go."</b><br />
<br />
But, how the heck am I going to do this?!? Well, I'm going to prepare a statement to be read to the owners who will solemnly acknowledge the social and legal precedent and discuss the need for a respectful workplace. Then later there will be a statement to the rest of the company under the guidance of our (wonderful) HR person, my supportive boss and the firm's CEO. Then I'll leave the room while they watch a nice little PFLAG of Denver video followed by a respectful workplace discussion and a Q & A time. How much you want to bet they will all be talking about me?<br />
<br />
Then a week later I will be coming to work as Dianne. All the way, all the time. In front of everybody. In front of the last part of my life that doesn't know me as Dianne.<br />
<br />
Strangely, that part doesn't give me the Worries half as much as "Coming Out." Because when I'm in front of them, and I talk to them, I will be asking for their compassion and support. It's going to be a leap of faith, jumping across the chasm and praying that I'll land on the other side. I'm sure there will be some people who just can't wrap their heads around it, at first, or at all. That's why there will be a short period of "still a sort of a guy" after the Big Reveal. To give people time to adjust to the concept before I'm right there in front of them. Every person I have come out to has said that they needed a week or two to adjust and digest. I'm pretty sure I would too!<br />
<br />
So far there are only 3 people in my corner of the world who have stated that they will not adjust, adapt or accept. Since two of them are the parents of my only grandson I have deigned to be a gracious and understanding person and adapt to their limitations. With them, I will do what I can to look like a guy as long as I can before it becomes just too humorous. I'll slick my hair back in some kind of funky mullet and wear a sports bra and coveralls and use makeup to give myself a unibrow and stubble. I will be fun! We'll go to restaurants and I'll try to pass as a man. I've been doing it for years so it should be easy enough.<br />
<br />
I can only hope that the 3 out of 50 ratio holds at work also. That would mean there would be 6.9 people at work who can't deal with me. Now if I could just pick which 6.9 people wouldn't talk to me in future it would be a great day! But there are a couple of dozen that I would absolutely hate to loose. <br />
<br />
Now, "<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Low fat,
whole wheat green tea"</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Well that's the part I don't understand. That's the part that represents the whole rest of my life from here forward. The part where I don't have the answers. But that's the part that will be the adventure. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">OK, Here We Go...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b> </b></span></span>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-56831537636902970752012-09-22T19:49:00.000-07:002012-09-22T19:49:42.425-07:00Camping at the Lake<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bqAqvT32WCI/UF53id41eAI/AAAAAAAAABs/CD1CUY88nB8/s1600/DianneTrailercrop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="381" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bqAqvT32WCI/UF53id41eAI/AAAAAAAAABs/CD1CUY88nB8/s400/DianneTrailercrop.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A real outdoorsy HookUp</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Another watershed! We went camping as a couple of gals at one of our favorite places, Lake Wallowa in Oregon. It was a great trip for us to get used to two women in a tiny trailer. For the past several years it's been a woman and a guy in a tiny trailer so there isn't too much difference! We cooked outside, waved at neighbors and went for walks with not so much as a glance from anyone.<br />
<br />
A friend of mine told me about her first "two gals" RV trip where a guy came up as they were setting up and said, "I've never seen a woman back up a trailer that well before." I must not back up as well as she does because nobody came by at all.<br />
<br />
One of our traditions visiting the area is to go to an Indian jewelry place in town run by a woman whose husband runs the connected fly shop. While "the Mrs" would go look at jewelry I would go talk to the fly shop guy. No big surprise, I always felt a very strong pull to the jewelry side but I was still trying to deny, ignore, thwart, whatever that part of me. Well this time the two Mrs went in to the jewelry side and enjoyed shiny pretties and chatted with the owner. We Ewed and Ahhed and each picked out some nice things. I got a great necklace and earrings from a local Nez Perce artist. The owner recognized the "Original Mrs" but didn't seem to recognize me at all. I wonder why??? We had fun and spent too much and then went to lunch. The perfect ladies day out!<br />
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It was the first of what will surely be many more lovely trips as we adjust our lives to the new adventures. Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-35560033030259808152012-07-23T11:10:00.003-07:002012-07-23T11:10:58.555-07:00Steps in The JourneyChanges. Small but significant changes. <br /><br />Today I went to the main doctor in our city who has experience with trans people and hormones. She is now my primary care physician so she will help me maintain my blood pressure and general health while adjusting my hormones to get me where I want to be. In the past my general health has not been my main focus. Now every element of my general health is in focus so I can be the "Me" that I have waited to be!<br /><br />A small step but a watershed moment, a right of passage. <br /><br />Every step moving forward is a big step!Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-60929210775625838342012-06-16T12:24:00.000-07:002012-06-16T12:24:07.066-07:00Funny things happen...I was in my therapist's office waiting for my appointment. She was running late and that was unusual so I got myself a cup of ice water and relaxed for 15 minutes or so, after I checked my calendar to make sure I had the right day and time. <br /><br />Finally the door opened and she came out with a 20 something woman who looked over at me a bit surprised and said, "Hi, how are you?" I didn't recognize her at all so she filled in, "I'm Sandy's friend from school." I must have looked a bit blank while trying to remember a Sandy and a school. She saw my stammering confusion and continued, "Oh, I thought you were Sandy's Mom. Sorry" <br /><br />I went in for my appointment and my therapist said, "Don't you get what happened?" I was still a bit fuzzy and she said, "She thought you were her friend's Mom." It slowly dawned on me what that meant and how this stranger had seen me. Wow! She walked by and recognized me as her friend's Mom, not some sort of guy who looked like a woman, but as a woman who was a Mom. Maximum unexpected affirmation for a sometimes clueless gal! <br /><br />Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-75700412450981307282012-06-16T09:58:00.001-07:002012-07-01T08:46:28.667-07:00Ring, Ring...I am very married. My wonderfully supportive wife and I are going through life's adventures together and helping each other along the way. Our wedding rings are a tangible symbol of this adventure and our goal of helping each other along through the journey.<br />
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We came together as full adults each having been married before. Our expectations and assumptions are (hopefully...) a bit more mature because of this. And we both know the power of symbols. Her ring has been passed through my family. It's not gorgeous or modern or flashy, but it has a history and has seen many years. My "Boy Ring" is a simple gold band that has become too large as I've lost weight. I have to be careful that it doesn't fall off if my hands are wet. And the symbolism of that change is not lost on me. A few months ago I bought a simple gold filled, cubic zirconia wedding set that looks better on a lady's hand. Very inexpensive but very appropriate. I make a point to always wear it when I'm out in the world and I very often get complimented on it. Not surprisingly those compliments always come from other women.<br />
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And that gets us to the heart of this posting. Women pointedly notice each others rings. They are a symbol of relationships, love, status, and family. A wedding ring announces that you are in the sisterhood. The shop lady, the waitress, the bank teller sees that you are living in the world in a certain way. Honestly, for me, breast forms and hair and makeup are clues to guide people to treat me a certain way. The rings are a deeper symbol that shows what is important in my life. <a href="http://thetransgentlewife.blogspot.com/2012/05/something-that-fits.html" style="color: magenta;" target="_blank">This lovely posting by Lucy brought me to warm tears and touched me very deeply</a><span style="color: magenta;">.</span> Two people finding their way through complicated changes while being authentic. Because rings are a symbol to ourselves also. Right there on the hand that opens a door, or holds a glass, or touches the arm of a loved one. It sparkles in the light to remind us of the lights in our lives. <br />
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<br />Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-45453191051401872792012-06-07T08:08:00.000-07:002012-06-07T16:47:49.176-07:00Pearls, Pleasantries and Puzzlement<br />
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Here in the North West we have a chain of grocery/household stores that
include a very nice jewelry counter that often has great bargains on good
quality sparkly things. I had a coupon for a little pearl and diamond pendant
that interested me. I went in to get some groceries and to look at the pendant.
After waiting for the shop lady to finish with another customer, I decided to buy it. While we were “transacting”
she and I chatted away. She asked if I was buying it for myself and I
said that I was. She insisted that I let her gift wrap it because, “we just don’t
give ourselves gifts. We do things for our kids and our friends but we women
just don’t take enough care of ourselves.”
She was openly treating me as a sister and an equal. Very affirming! We
talked about adult kids and grandchildren and taking care of parents.</div>
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While this was going on, over her shoulder, I was watching
another woman going past with her cart full of groceries. She stopped in the
walkway and openly and blatantly stared at me. Her wide eyed disbelief was as
evident as the glaring noonday sun. Her husband caught up with her and she
couldn’t wait to clue him in to what she had discovered, and he stared. I couldn’t help but note the slack jawed shock
of the couple and how it contrasted with the lovely bonding with the jewelry counter
lady.
The couple left, doubtless discussing their amazement. The counter lady
and I exchanged further pleasantries and we finished up with a gentle handshake
and mutual thanks.</div>
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I left with an untarnished warm glow and went about my day.
Did the counter lady “clock me?” Who cares? She treated me as a co-woman and I
treasured it. Did the couple learn anything? Who cares? They were likely
shocked by Chaz Bono and Jenna Talackova and left just as puzzled as when they
woke up that morning. Oh, and the pendant looks great on a silver chain I got
for my birthday.</div>Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-48528998551461280642012-05-30T20:05:00.002-07:002012-05-30T20:05:42.401-07:00Born to be WildWhat a silly thing! I was lounging in the yard today watching the evening creep up when I decided it was time for an adventure. I threw on a sweatshirt, tied up the legs of my cropped pants, put on my "gardening wig" under my helmet and headed off for a cruise on my tiny Chinese scooter. Earrings jangling in the breeze and big dark glasses on and away I went! What Fun! <br /><br />I usually get a few glances in boy mode on my putt putt machine, not very macho at all, so it was fun to not get a second glance from people on the street. Just some middle aged post hippie gal out enjoying the evening! All I needed was a french bread peeking out of the shopping bag. Very European.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-39610059354191779682012-05-10T19:32:00.001-07:002012-05-10T19:33:03.893-07:00Love what you don't LikeI play silly games with myself. Maybe you do the same, and maybe not. We have Fiesta Ware plates and bowls and I love the colors. Bright, cheery, vibrant and alive. I love them all, but I just don't like the yellow plates. I don't know why and who cares, I suppose. I've also set a rule for myself to not pick from the middle of the stack. Whatever is on top gets used.<br />
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Also, I tend to look at random events and try to read too much in to them. If it's a rainy day, or too hot, and I had planned outdoor activities but have to change plans, I tend to think that there is some message there. I need to learn to be flexible, or I need to see the beauty in the less pleasant weather. If I'm already cranky, I decide that the Fates are against me. Maybe because I had negative thoughts about someone, or I was too attached to a particular outcome. Or maybe because I'm trans... <br />
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For a long time I would apply this same thinking to the random event of getting the Yellow Plate. I would think I must be paying for some event or thought. Or that I was not good enough to deserve another color. It became a household joke when I would get the now DREADED Yellow Plate. It began to bother me! Then I began to see that it was a lesson after all. It was an opportunity for me to Let Go of my desires and preferences. I needed to learn the fallacy of attachment to an outcome, especially for something trivial. Now, after many many random plate deals, I kinda like the Yellow Plate. It's now my friend come to visit and it makes me smile.<br />
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I made a sandwich tonight. There at the top of the stack was the Yellow Plate, and it's partner the Yellow Cup.<br />
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Horray! My favorites have come to visit!Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-88227260394051670072012-05-02T19:04:00.000-07:002012-05-02T19:04:40.296-07:00CeCe McDonaldI don't know how I feel about <a href="http://www.tcdailyplanet.net/news/2012/05/02/cece-mcdonald-pleads-guilty-manslaughter" target="_blank">this event.</a> I am very proud of CeCe McDonald and the way she has carried herself through this ordeal. And I'm proud that so many people have shown her such support. And I'm proud that this young woman has taken responsibility for her role in a tragedy. But I am also disheartened, angry and sickened that she will pay with a significant portion of her youth for standing up for herself. <br />
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I pray fervently that she can come out of the remainder of this episode with at least a fragment of optimism and positive spirit.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-76131591791831519432012-05-02T18:42:00.000-07:002012-05-02T18:42:39.960-07:00Change We Can Believe InRecent events have been showing us T folk in a positive light and it is amazing! Look at these things and feel good about where we now are in the world. We have Jenna Talackova as a media sweetheart for standing up to the Miss Universe Pageant, and to Donald Trump by extension (what a bonus!). There is a piece on ABC's "What Would You Do" where an average guy stands up for a trans woman who is being hassled in public. We had a National Geographic special, "Transgender America," that had the most touching and positive presentations of trans people that I think I've ever seen. And Heavens! the Nat Geo special waited for over 45 minutes before showing the trans woman putting on makeup, but even then it was someone putting makeup on her the day of her wedding! It was a story book portrayal instead of the common faintly (or strongly) tabloid views that come up so often.<br /><br />When we meld this with Chaz Bono, Amanda Simpson being appointed to a senior Commerce Department post, and Mia Macy's landmark Title VII employment rights decision you have <u>got</u> to be positive. All of these things have been showing the general public that we are not "other." That we are just people doing our best to live life as we need to. <b><u>Isn't that great?</u></b><br />
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<br />Now here is my new plan to reinforce this change, and it's a page taken right out of a "Big Bang Theory" episode ("The Gothowitz Deviation" if you are just too geeky). Main character Sheldon decides to undertake an experiment where he "trains" the character Penny by giving her chocolates when she exhibits "good" behavior. Then he squirts another character with a water sprayer when he exhibits "bad" behavior. Straight out of the Dog Whisperer!<br /><br />From now on I'm going to carry a pocket full of chocolates when I'm out and give a treat to anyone who is nice to me! I think it might be safer to forgo the other reinforcement in this operant conditioning project though. I doubt it would help the trans community if I go around squirting people who behave badly. <br />
<br />So if you are out and about and someone comes up to you with an expectant look, like they think you have treats, you may just be running into someone I've been training!<br /><br /> Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2136378214973154637.post-91242206545653007672012-04-17T19:10:00.000-07:002012-04-17T19:10:08.560-07:00Shh, Listen, We're here.Well, it's been a while but let me tell you what I've learned. <br /><br />I live in Boise Idaho, a very Red city in a very Red state. We narrowly escaped our own vaginal ultrasound bill and saw the strident non-discussion of adding the G, L, B and T to our state's anti-discrimination law. Both were shelved because it's an election year and none of our patriarchal legislators wanted to do anything controversial. They just stuck with their usual ethics scandals and attempts to defend their Family First images from their own boorish poor behavior. Nothing quite like the entitled class when it comes to bad decisions and scandals...<br /><br />In the years that I've lived in Boise I have often felt <b><u>very</u></b> alone. I felt like I must be the only transgendered person who isn't being arrested or marginalized. <br /><br />So I've hidden. <br /><br />The repeated lesson was that I was alone and it was dangerous out there.<br /><br />Now I've been poking my nose out a bit and looking for peers. It has amazed me to see how many people I have found just by taking a small risk! I've found a great T support group and met some wonderful people that I love being with. I went to a therapist and was invited to join another group of 10 or so that she shepherds. My laser hair removal gal asked me if I knew so and so and If I knew one of her clients that was getting married. <br /><br />I keep realizing that we aren't really as alone as we think we are. We are all over the place. At every turn I hear about more sisters and brothers. <br /><br />By our very nature we tend to be people who just want to freely be who we are and be accepted, and pretty much ignored. Most gals I know are very willing to not be noticed at all. But there are many of us, even in places that are not very progressive and not overly tolerant. <br /><br />Trust me, I am totally not saying that we should all rise up en masse and march through the streets shouting for solidarity! But it's fun to imagine that if we did we would all be very surprised how many kindred spirits there are that are very close, who are being very quiet.<br />
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It gives me strength.Diannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13501248299149011600noreply@blogger.com1